A Hogwarts Carol
by Deimoslestrange
Summary: It was Severus Snape's turn to stay at Hogwarts over the Holidays, where he was visited by three ghosts. Will he change his ways or will he forever be haunted by his past?
1. Part I

A Hogwarts Carol

Severus Snape walked steadily down the Halls of Hogwarts, it was Christmas Eve. How he despised the Holidays and everything Christmas. Wherever he went decorations were hung from corner to corner. He took special care to rip down every wreath they tried to place on his quarter's door, he even single-handedly tore down all the decorations and garland from the Slytherin Common rooms. Sure, the students were mad, and maybe even some of them cried, but to Severus, it was just another painful reminder of how miserable his life was. He didn't have a family or friends. Severus didn't care about anyone but himself. It had to be like that. He couldn't very well rely on anyone else.

The only thing he liked about the Holidays is that most of the students went home to be with their families, he would have gone home himself, but it was his turn to this year to stay and watch over the remaining students. He turned the corner to the Great hall where a great feast was about to begin. McGonagall and a few other professors that had stayed were already seated. Severus walked slowly up to the long table, looking around with disgust. Snowflakes fell from the enchanted ceiling, mistletoe hung in the entry way, a great big green tree stood in the corner of the room carefully decorated with bulbs and garland and flashing lights. What a time to be alive, he thought sinisterly to himself. He made it to the table and sat down beside the Headmaster.

McGonagall smiled brightly at him, her thin lips pressed into a smile. "Glad you made it Severus. I was about to send a search party to the dungeons to look for you." She joked, gently patting him on the shoulder as she stood up to address the remaining students in the hall.

Severus rolled his eyes and crossed his arm. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was six pm. He was planning on only staying long enough to eat and drink, then retire back to his quarter's where he planned on drinking something a little stronger than just eggnog.

McGonagall's voice rang through the hall, "Welcome students, Happy Holidays! We are sorry that you couldn't go home for the Holidays, but we hope this feast and the following Christmas activities will fill your hearts with warmth." She smiled and raised her wand, "Please enjoy this very special feast we have planned." With a flick of her wrist the empty platters and goblets filled with delicious food, sweets, and drinks. The students squealed with joy as they filled their plates and bellies.

McGonagall sat down and filled her own plate. "I'm so happy that you were able to stay for the Holiday Severus. It doesn't do well to be alone during this time of year."

Severus sneered. "Who said I was going to be alone?"

"I just assumed…" She blushed red, clearly embarrassed.

"I would have the company of Jack."

McGonagall looked positively confused. "I'm glad you have friends outside of here…"

Severus rubbed his face. "Yes, Jack is a very close friend. Whenever we are together, he makes me feel better about my empty miserable life. In fact, we have plans tonight down at the hogshead."

McGonagall connected the dots. "Severus," her toned stiffened. "Drinking alone is no way to spend Christmas. Why don't you stay for the activities? We planned games, arts and crafts, and other merry festivities. Get in the spirit."

Severus sighed audibly. "If I wanted to be in the spirit, I would be wearing a big red suit and a white beard. This is all nonsense." Severus stood up. "If you need me, I'll be at hogshead. Don't wait up." He left the Great Hall, mumbling to himself, cursing that great old Harpy. Who did she think he was? Why couldn't McGonagall just leave him alone. That's why he didn't want to stay at Hogwarts for the Holidays. He grabbed his cloak from his quarters, yes, he could have used the floo network to travel to the pub, but he needed to clear his mind.

Outside the wind was bitter, snow blew all round Hogwarts. Severus slipped on black leather gloves and pulled his cloak tighter around him. The cold really didn't bother him much these days. It helped him think. The air was so stuffy inside Hogwarts, he couldn't ground himself. With a sigh of relief, he began his walk. The snow crunched loudly beneath his feet. Where did he go so wrong in his life to have nothing right now? He had Lily, but that turned to ashes in his mouth. If Potter hadn't come between them, how differently would his life had been? He wouldn't be a potion's professor. Maybe he would be a famous Potioneer or alchemist? He certainly wouldn't have had the taste for dark arts and with that, he would never have joined the Deatheaters at Dumbledore's request. A malicious voice in the back of his mind came to the front "Lily would still be alive if it weren't for James Potter." This stabbed at Severus's heart. Lily was the only person who was ever kind to him, and she died for him, a selfish bully.

Severus shook his head, no use dwelling on what happened or what could have been. Lily was gone and nothing could bring her back, same for Dumbledore, the only other person he trusted, he HAD to kill Dumbledore. He begged for it to be Severus who killed him. Who did he have now? No one. He blamed everything and everyone but himself. It was a cruel world that he lived in.

He reached the Hogshead, Aberforth stood behind the bar wiping a glass clean with a cloth. "Severus, what can I do for you?" This is the reason why he liked coming down to the Hogshead, Aberforth minded his own business, he didn't ask questions or meddle in your personal life.

"Get me a double shot of whiskey." Severus took his gloves and cloak off. Setting them down on the bar. The pub seemed to be dead silent save for the clinking of the glasses as Aberforth cleaned them.

"Supposed to be a blizzard out tonight." Aberforth made light conversation, as he poured the drink.

"Yes, I walked here, the wind was frightful."

Aberforth sat the shot glass in front of Severus. He drained the shot too easy.

"Rough day?" He asked hoping he wasn't prying too much.

"You could say that. Another." Aberforth nodded pouring him another shot.

They sat in silence for a while as Severus ordered shot after shot. It came apparent that he was becoming a little tipsy. "Can I ask you something, Abe?" He asked examining an empty shot glass.

Aberforth looked him in the eyes and shuffled closer. "Sure, I might not have the best answer for you."

"Where did I go wrong?" He asked.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean?" The old man slid his glasses up the bridge of his nose, Severus looked in the striking blue eyes. The same shade as Albus Dumbledore.

A memory flashed across his mind, "Severus, Please." Albus Dumbledore pleaded.

"Avada Kedavra." A bright green light erupted from the end of his wand. Dumbledore's eyes found Severus's onyx ones and then closed forever as he fell from the astronomy tower.

"I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have come." Severus reached for cloak and gloves and stepped in to the fireplace. "Hogwarts Dungeons." He said clearly, looking into Aberforth's eyes once more.

Severus found himself in his Study. He lit the fire place before sitting in his chair and pouring himself a Fire-whiskey. He grabbed the glass and stared in the fire. What was all this for? Why was he still here? He should have been the one to die. Not Lily. Not Albus. Not Remus. Not Sirius. Not Tonks or Mad-eye. Why was he still here? He paced his study, glass in hand. It wasn't fair. Everyone he ever knew was gone, but he was still here. He threw the glass in the fire, which exploded on impact. Severus covered his face, grabbing his wand extinguishing the violent flames.

He turned the lights off and returned to his quarters, passing out on his bed, fully clothed, reeking of alcohol.

There was a damp stillness to the air as Severus opened his eyes. The room was pitch black and spinning around him, his head began to pound painfully. He groaned softly as he sat up searching for the pain killers on his nightstand.

"Looking for these, Severus?" Asked a familiar voice.

A shiver ran down his spine as he whipped his head around. Standing in the corner, an ethereal glowing mist appeared in the shape of Albus Dumbledore.

"You're not real… I killed you." Severus jumped to the other side of his bed, trying to put as much distance between him and this ghostly vision.

"Of course, I am, or I once was." Albus glided closer.

"Stay where you are." Severus grabbed his wand and pointed it directly at the figure.

"You can't harm me, I'm already dead."

"Wh-What do you want?" Severus stuttered.

"I thought perhaps we could have a little chat, just you and I." Albus clasped his hands in front of him, he was still glowing.

Severus nodded cautiously. "I can't imagine what you would have to say? I've done everything you have ever asked of me."

"I have come to warn you." Albus bowed his head gently.

"Warn me? Of what? There is no longer any danger. Tom Riddle had been defeated. I saw it with my own eyes, just after Potter saved me from Nagini's attack."

"I know, I come to warn you of a new threat. A threat so great it will haunt you to your grave."

Severus stifled a laugh. "I'm already haunted."

Albus pursed his lips. "Not like this you aren't." He edged forward so that Severus could see the seriousness in his face. "You will be visited by three more ghosts."

Severus laughed. "Alright… Alright… I see what's happening here. I had a little too much to drink. I'm still drunk. This is merely a hallucination."

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "Severus. If you continue down this self-destructive path you are on, you're going to hurt a lot more people than just yourself."

"Look around, you old fool! I have no one else around to hurt."

Dumbledore frowned, "That's the problem Severus, you can't see what's in front of you."

Severus shook his head. "What I see in front of me is a dead reminder of why it should have been me." Severus cracked. "I should have died by Nagini's attack. I'm better off dead, Potter and Granger should have left me for dead." He spat.

Albus crossed the floor silently. He took Severus's hand in his. "I promise there is a life left for you to live. You just have to be willing to listen and change your ways." Albus's glow faded as fast as it came.

Severus shook his head. "I need to stop drinking."


	2. Part II

A Hogwarts Carol

Part II

Severus awoke with more than just a migraine. An immense feeling of dread washed over him as he remembered the ghostly image of Albus Dumbledore. It had to be a dream. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was really Aberforth dressed to resemble his older brother to seek revenge? That had to be the only reasonable explanation. Severus got dressed for the day and slid on his cloak and stepped into the fire place. He wasn't about to let Aberforth get away with breaking into his quarters in the middle of the night. "Hogshead." He said clearly.

The pushing and tugging of the Floo Network gave Severus a serious case of the spins. Once inside of the pub he held tightly to the walls of the fireplace while he found his bearings.

"Severus, what a surprise it is to see you so early. I didn't think you would even get out of bed today." Chuckled Aberforth.

"This isn't a social call, Aberforth." Severus growled.

Aberforth narrowed his eyes. "What's the matter with you?" He asked.

"I think you know all too well." Severus climbed out of the fireplace and dusted off his clothing. "Did you happen to make any midnight calls?"

"No, after you left, I closed the pub and went home." Aberforth shook his head.

"Don't lie to me." Severus inched closer to the bar, hand on his wand.

"Put away your wand, I don't want any trouble. Tell me what this is all about."

Severus lowered his wand, keeping an eye on Aberforth. "Last night a ghostly image came to me while I was sleeping, it looked a lot like Albus. It threatened me. You are the only one who would have reason enough to seek revenge on me."

Aberforth stared silently at Severus for a moment. "You're right. I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to my brother. I knew it was his wish. He told me, but that doesn't mean I don't hate you for it…" Aberforth paused thinking about what he wanted to say next. "But tell me why I would dress up as my late brother to haunt you? You were drunk when you left. Maybe you were just seeing things?"

A dark shadow crossed Severus's face. "Let me catch you in my quarters again, and I promise you will see your dear brother soon enough." Severus left with a green flash, leaving Aberforth even more confused than before.

Back at Hogwarts, Severus couldn't get Albus's warning out of his mind. What new threat could be so terrible that Dumbledore had to leave his resting place just to warn him? He pushed the thoughts from his mind as he walked down the hall towards the Hospital Wing, this migraine was killer, with his head hanging low he rubbed at his temples as he bumped into something solid. "I'm sorry, excuse me." He said looking up into the eyes of Headmaster McGonagall.

"Severus." She acknowledged. "Are you feeling alright? You look positively ill."

Severus grunted, "I've seen better days."

McGonagall nodded and began to walk away.

"Minerva…?" Severus called out.

She paused, "Yes, Severus?"

"Have you ever been threatened by the past?" Severus met her gaze.

"I can't say that I have, is everything alright?"

He nodded solemnly and walked away.

Later that night after supper, Severus returned to his quarters. Another message rang in his ears, "You will be visited by three ghosts." He panicked for a moment before coming to. Why was he so afraid? This was ridiculous. They were just ghosts. They couldn't harm him. Look at the Bloody Baron, he may look frightening, but there's no possible way he could hurt you. Severus sighed and got ready for bed, he gave the room one more sweep before grabbing his wand on the side table and muttering "Nox." Once the lights were extinguished, he dozed off rather quickly.

A soft glow broke through Severus's eyes. A warmness enveloped him. Was it morning already? He felt like he barely slept at all. Yawning, he rubbed his eyes and sat up. Slowly he flickered his eyes open. In the chair beside his bed sat Eileen Prince, his mother, his long dead mother. Severus gasped audibly. "Mo-Mother?" He stuttered.

Eileen looked at him with soft eyes. "Hello, my darling boy." She had a warm glow about her. It was oddly comforting.

Severus shook his head. "I must still be dreaming, for that's the only time I've seen you since you passed."

Eileen shook her head, "I'm really here, Severus." She lifted herself up and sat down on the edge of the bed. She rested her hand on top of his. Her touch was gentle and warm, like he had remembered it to be.

Severus wiped at a tear that threatened to spill over on to his cheek. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."

"I was sick. There was nothing you could do to help me."

They sat in silence for a moment. "But I'm here to save you." She broke the stillness.

Severus looked at her confused. "Not you too. Albus has already paid a visit. If you are here to warn me as well, then you can just leave."

She looked taken aback. "Severus, it's not too late to change. I wish I could have changed. I should have been a better mother, but you have time. If you continue to push people away, you will be left with an empty hole in your heart. If you don't believe me, at least let me show you something."

Before Severus could protest, he was whisked away to another time. They stood in Snape manor. It was Christmas eve, Eileen lay in bed. A fever raged out of control, her body was getting weaker by the hour. Severus, who was only eight or nine at the time sat in a chair by her bed, he never left her side. She reached for Severus's hand. It was cold and clammy in his. "Go to your father, tell him I must speak with him." He nodded softly and left.

Severus, the man, stood in the room watching his younger self leave. "I shouldn't have left you." He turned to Eileen. "Mother…"

Eileen frowned, "I knew it was my time to go. I couldn't let you watch. You were much too young."

The scene shifted quickly. They now stood in a parlor, young Severus stood beside his father. They were dressed in black attire, the only other person in attendance was Abraxas Malfoy, his god-father.

"This was your funeral… but where is everyone?" Severus looked confused.

"I didn't have anyone but you and your father. I too, pushed people away."

The scene shifted yet again. A year after his mothers passing. Young Severus sat alone in his bedroom crying, his father banged on the other side of the door, drunk. "Come out here now!" He yelled banging harder on the door. Severus covered his ears and rocked gently in the corner.

Eileen stood in front of Severus, "What happened to him?"

Severus tore his eyes away from his younger self. "After you passed, he drank and never stopped. This was a result of me trying to get rid of the alcohol. I just wanted him to stop. It only got worse as I got older. He started to beat me, and then I met Lily shortly after. Being with her was like being surrounded by light and love." He paused trying to remember what it was like all those years ago.

The scene shifted.

"Mother, can you stop changing the scene?"

Eileen looked puzzled. "I didn't do it that time. It must have been you."

Severus looked around. They were outside in the gardens. A little Lily Evans sat on a swing being pushed by a slightly awkward Severus. She smiled so brightly, it was like the sun rising for the first time, truly magical. Severus walked closer. He hadn't been this close to her in decades. Lily giggled as he pushed her higher. Severus absorbed the moment, he remembered this day. It was one of his favorites.

"She was so radiant." Eileen chimed.

Severus remained silent, his eyes fixed on lily.

"Severus, it's time to go."

The light disappeared with Lily on the swing. Severus wiped his eyes as he found himself back in his room at Hogwarts. "She was so beautiful."

Eileen nodded. They sat in silence, Eileen tried to gather what she wanted to say to him. She needed his son to change his ways. "Severus, the boy I saw… he was so happy and carefree. What happened to him?" She asked.

"Long and painful story." Severus sighed, sitting down and pouring himself a drink.

"I see you take after your father." She pointed to the amber liquid sloshing around in his glass.

"I'm not him." He said setting the glass on the table. "I can stop anytime I want."

"Severus, you have got to stop this charade. It will ruin you. I don't want to see you end up like me, no one to celebrate or mourn your life."

Severus chuckled darkly. "It's too late for me, everyone that I've ever cared about is dead and gone. There's no one left."

Eileen shook her head. "I don't believe you."

"LILY IS GONE. ALBUS IS GONE. YOU ARE GONE." He yelled.

"Fine. I see how it's going to be." She stood up. "I love you, Severus. I hope that when your judgement day comes, you are pardoned." She left, taking the warmth with her.

Severus rubbed his face and took one last swig of fire-whiskey before pouring the contents out in the bathroom sink. He didn't want to see it, but he was starting to drink like his father. The one person whom he said he would never be like.


	3. Part III

A Hogwarts Carol Part III

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! Severus bolted upright out of bed. "Stop that bloody racket this instant!" He yelled grabbing his black robe off the back of a chair and throwing it on to answer the door. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. It came again. Severus growled, there better be a very good reason. He tightened the robe before tying a knot around his waist.

He opened the door to find a very distraught Minerva McGonagall at his quarter's door. "SEVERUS." She exclaimed. "It's noon. What are you still doing in bed?" She asked, a tight frown forming on her face.

He sighed loudly. "I thought this was Christmas Break…"

"The students still need supervision, not all of them sleep until noon. Get dressed. You have patrol duty. The dungeons." She wagged her finger in his face before leaving.

He groaned begrudgingly and got dressed. He had hoped to sleep all day, seeing as how these ghostly specters kept him up all hours of the night. Still, he needed to get to the bottom of this. Why were they visiting him? What was so bad about the path he was on? Shutting everyone out? He was only protecting himself from getting hurt. It seems to him whenever he got close to someone they died. Lily was his best friend, she died. Albus was like a father to him, he also died. Not to mention, his mother, and his drunken father. They all died, and Severus had to pay the price of their deaths. That's why he walled himself up. Anyways, who would want him in their lives? He was just a miserable cantankerous old man. No one would put up with him.

Silently he walked down the leaky dreary dungeon wall, watching for any students who might be misbehaving or partaking in any illicit activities. The only thing he saw was a Slytherin Student and a Ravenclaw reading by wand light. Severus turned a corner, and suddenly chills shivered down his spine, and what little light was casted by candles, faded. It was a trick. One of his students was playing him. It had to be. "Very funny." He chuckled. "Who is trying to trick me? Is it you, Mr. Davies? Show yourself!" He protested. "If I catch you, it'll be a month's worth of detention, and points lost, I assure you." He added, withdrawing his wand from his cloak. "Lumos." He muttered, as he continued to walk rapidly down the hall, looking for Mr. Davies. "I know you are down here." He shone the light casting his shadow against the wall.

"Professor, is it now?" A female voice laughed lightly. "I didn't peg you for being the caretaker type, Sev."

Severus didn't dare turn around, for he was afraid she wasn't real. "Lily?" He whispered. He stood fast frozen in his tracks. It wasn't possible. Was it?

"Severus, it's ok. You can turn around."

Severus stood a moment longer. If this was an elaborate prank, he would crucio the person responsible. Taking a risk, he slowly turned on his heals to look Lily Evans… Lily Potter in the eyes. Green Eyes. The same eyes. The same smile. The very same Lily. "Please tell me this isn't a foolish prank."

Lily shook her head. "It's not, Sev. None of this has been a prank. All this has been real, Albus, your mother, and their warnings. Its very real, and you need to listen."

Severus sighed, not wanting to ruin this moment. "I suppose you want to show me something?" He asked.

Lily smiled, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Take my hand." Lily offered her hand, in which he grasped it. She knew he never wanted to let go. She took him to the Burrow.

Severus looked around and groaned. "The Burrow?" He asked slightly more than annoyed.

The Burrow had exploded with Christmas spirit. Shiny, glittery bulbs and garland hung everywhere, mistletoe stashed out in the open, and stocking hung from the walls. Brightly wrapped gifts sat under a messily decorated tree, and the people, so many people sitting around chatting happily as children played noisily nearby. Molly sat in the corner knitting, Arthur tinkered with a doorbell, and Fleur graciously flitted about offering everyone cookies she had made. Life was in full swing.

"Look how Happy everyone is." Lily smiled, as Harry and Ginny walked into the room, with a bouncing bundle of blankets.

"Oh goody, the Potter line prevails." Severus sneered.

Lily frowned. "Aren't these your friends?" She asked. "Didn't my son save your life and give you another chance?" she pointed at Harry. "This is where you belong, Severus."

"Yes, he did, but…"

"But what? You're just going to waste that chance? A chance to have someone care about you and love you the way I did?" she paused. "Is that what this is about? Are you afraid to get close to someone again? Are you afraid of getting hurt?" She scoffed.

"Lily…" He knew she was right. He knew they were all right. Right about everything. He was on a self-destructive path.

"Don't lily me. These people gave everything in the great war, my son risked everything to save you, if that's not love, I don't know what is. You are so miserable and set in your ways that you can't see it."

He didn't think of it that way.

"Look at Molly sitting there knitting. What do you think it is?" She asked.

Severus looked, "A sweater, maybe?" He couldn't tell.

"A green sweater. With an S. Who does she know in Slytherin whose name starts with an S?"

He shrugged.

"Severus, she's knitting you a sweater. She only knits sweaters for those she considers family. Why would she take the time to knit you a sweater if she didn't care about you?"

He hated the fact that she was right. He hated that he was so absorbed in his own self pity that he couldn't see it.

Just then Harry stood in the middle of the room, holding the bundle of blankets. "Everyone, can I get your attention, just for a moment." The room fell silent, Ginny took her place by his side. "First I would like to thank Molly and Arthur for opening up their home and their hearts to all of us, even those that couldn't be here."

Severus felt a stab.

"Secondly, I would love to introduce our second born son, Albus Severus Potter." Everyone clapped softly and congratulated them.

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. "Albus SEVERUS!?" He exclaimed. "But why name his child after me?" He asked lily, bewildered.

Lily wiped away her own tears, "I don't know, maybe you should ask him?" She replied.

The light faded around them, they stood once more in the dreary dungeon hall.

"Severus, you are loved more than you know, you just need to open up and let it in."

"I just don't understand. I thought they all hated me for what I've done."

"It's in the past, they understand you did what you had to do. They understand it was all part of a plan. They don't hate you for it, they see you as a hero. Can't you see that now?" Lily moved closer to him, pulling him into a hug.

Severus wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Thank you." He whispered.

She kissed him on the cheek, "Go to them, before it's too late."

"I will." He promised.

"And Sev?" softly spoke Lily.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Please continue to watch over my son and grandchildren."

"Always." He whispered in her ear before pulling away.

Lily's spirit faded slowly, taking away any light and warmth with her.

Severus backed up against the wall and slid down it, as tears started falling uncontrollably. He was beginning to see what everyone meant. It was all coming together piece by piece. There was still one more piece yet to come, and he had an ominous feeling about it. The last ghost to come wasn't bringing good tidings or cheer. When these spirits started coming, his mother showed him the past, Lily showed him the present, and if he had to bet, the last one was to show him his future if he continued his behavior.


	4. Part IV

A Hogwarts Carol Part IV

Severus sat there, slumped against the wall for what seemed like an eternity. He saw her. He really saw Lily. His heart was breaking all over again. The damp darkness surrounded him, suffocating his light. Severus breathed in deeply, the musty air filled his lungs. Fresh air. He needed fresh air. Out on the top side in the courtyard he took deep breaths, his head began to swim. Everything began to spin around him. What was happening to him? This wasn't like him at all. Students began to stare at him and whisper. He couldn't catch his breath. Was he dying? No. This wasn't the end. It was too easy he thought, but what was that pain he was feeling, and why couldn't he catch his breath? The light started to fade as he dropped to the snowy ground.

In the darkness he saw her again, she wasn't saying anything. She was just watching him. If this was death, and he knew it wasn't, he didn't want to go back.

"Severus." She called.

"I'm here." He called out.

The darkness engulfed her.

"LILY!" He yelled. "Lily. Come Back! I need you."

"Severus." A voice called.

"Lily, I hear you."

"Severus!" The voice yelled.

Slowly he opened his eyes to see Madam Pomfrey and Headmaster McGonagall standing by his bedside. "Severus, do you know where you are?" Asked Madam Pomfrey.

Looking around, he saw that he was in the infirmary. "Unfortunately." He groaned sitting up.

"May I talk to Severus? In Private?" Headmaster McGonagall asked, dismissing Madam Pomfrey. She nodded, closing the white curtain around them for privacy before leaving.

"Don't give me that look Minerva." Severus rubbed his head, avoiding eye contact.

"Severus, please. Tell me what's gotten into you?" She asked sincerely.

"Nothing." He grumbled.

"Collapsing in front of students isn't nothing. Having full blown conversations with the dead isn't nothing. Something is going on, let me help you Severus. Let me in. Stop shutting everyone out because you blame yourself." She sunk into a chair beside his bed. "I'm not leaving here until I get an answer from you."

Severus sighed and looked into her eyes. If he was going to make changes, now is the time to start. "You probably won't believe me, but…." He started telling her everything. From the ghostly visit of Albus to his newest encounter with Lily. He didn't leave anything out… well maybe he did, but she didn't need to know that he threatened Aberforth. After regaling McGonagall with his tale, they sat in silence. "I knew you wouldn't believe me. Maybe I'm going crazy." He sighed defeated.

"Severus, I've known you for a very long time, since you were just a wee lad. If you say this is happening, then it's happening. I just don't know what to do to help you through this." She laid her hand on top of his. "You have friends. You are not alone. I think in your time of need you need to surround yourself with people who care about you." Her thin lips gave way to a slight smile. "We are here for you; you just have to let us in. Listen to your past."

Severus nodded. "Thank you, Minerva."

She stood, "I think you should check up on the Potters. They have someone for you to meet, I hear." She left his make-shift room.

He smiled to himself, Harry had a son and named it after him. The boy did care about him. He was so caught up in his own misery that he dismissed every single invite, every single owl or any form of contact from everyone. Would they let him come back? Would they forgive him for being such a selfish old prick? He had to make things right. If not for himself, then for his friends. They needed him just as much as he needed them.

He sighed darkly, remembering he still had one more visit. Maybe that last one wouldn't come since he was already on the path to redemption. That was unlikely. He just had to wait it out, in the meantime madam Pomfrey released him with a potion to rid him of anxiety. He walked the halls before dinner. Taking in the last couple of days. He needed this. As much as it hurt, and as much as he resisted, he needed to go through this. He knew it deep in his heart.

At dinner instead of his usual scowling and glaring from the high table, he decided to try something different, he sat with his students. At first it was awkward, the Slytherins stayed quiet for a few moments. Until Severus began asking of how their holidays were going and what they wanted for Christmas. This was totally out of character for him, but once he saw Minerva smiling down at him, he knew he was doing something right. The students began talking loudly and laughing. Severus smiled brightly. After dinner, he hung around and decorated cookies and made crafts with the students.

When the festivities came to an end, he walked them to their corridors, and went to his quarters as well. He felt something inside him that he hadn't felt in a very long time. He felt sort of happy, and once again his mind drifted off to the last visit. It no longer scared him, because he knew that he was going to change his ways and apologize to everyone who he had hurt.

He changed his clothes and got into bed, before turning off all the lights. He hoped when tomorrow came he would see the light.

And a light did he see. At first very bright, then dimmed as the last ghostly vision appeared before him. Thinking he was prepared he got out of bed, before seeing who the last ghost was, but he was sorely mistaken. He wasn't ready to face the last one. "Father?" He asked, but the ghost of Tobias Snape stayed silent. He was dressed in a black suit, his hair slicked back, a glass of what Severus presumed was Rum or Whiskey in one hand, and a cane in the other. "Aren't you going to warn me?" He asked, once again Tobias stayed silent, sipping on his drink. "I see. You still haven't forgiven me for not living up to the Snape name." Severus chuckled darkly. "Well? Shall we see what my future holds or are we just going to stand here in silence?"

Tobias banged his cane on the floor. Severus's bedroom dissipated. They now stood in his home at spinners end. Severus saw himself a few years older than he was now, passed out on the couch surrounded by empty beer and liquor bottles, cobwebs hung in the corner of the room, a stale stench filled their nostrils. "I see. This is me in say what? Five… maybe ten years? I'm not afraid of being alone. You were the one afraid to be alone." Still his father had made no comment.

Tobias banged his cane again. This time they were whisked away to Severus's bedroom, a frail sickly old man lay in bed. Severus moved closer. He was barely breathing. "Where is anyone? He's… I mean… I'm dying and I'm alone." The old mans breath became ragged, it rattled in his chest. "Why won't someone come?" Severus crouched beside his dying self. He began to cry. "I can't help him, can I?" He asked. Tobias nodded. "How can I help him?" moments passed, and the rattling became gasps. "HOW CAN I HELP HIM DAMNIT?!"

For the first time Tobias spoke. "By helping yourself." He pointed to his dying son, "That doesn't have to become you. You can stop it. You know how."

The old man took his last breath. Severus looked at his father. "Did you die alone?" He asked.

Tobias nodded. "Don't follow in my footsteps."

The scene shifted. They stood in a graveyard. Only the funeral director was in attendance. Not a single person showed up for his funeral. "I've seen enough. Take me home." Severus turned away. Tobias banged his cane one last time. Severus was back at Hogwarts, he expected his father to return with him, but he was gone, and for some odd reason Severus felt empty about it. He wanted to apologize to his father about not being there. No one should have to die alone… not even himself. So, he did what he should have done a while ago.

Severus sat down at his writing desk and began to write. He didn't stop writing until the sun came up. And that's how he knew everything was going to be set right.


	5. Part V

A Hogwarts Carol Part V

 _"Dear Harry and company,_

 _I wish to start off by saying how truly sorry I am for pushing each and everyone of you away. It has come to my attention that I lost myself, and in doing so I almost lost what genuinely matters. You. I can't really explain what has happened over the course of the last couple of days, but just know that I am going to make amends. I never meant to hurt you. I only pushed you away out of fear. Ironically a fear of how I somehow might lose you. I know it probably doesn't make sense to you, it's just that I've lost a lot of people in my lifetime. I thought that if I got close to you, if I cared enough about you, I would lose you too. I know it's not right. I know this letter won't make up for lost time, but perhaps it might give you insight on why I've been so distant after the battle._

 _I know you saved my life in the battle here at Hogwarts, and I never properly thanked you. I wish to thank you now. Thank you for giving me a second chance in life. I promise to not waste a single moment of it. I would very much like to be apart of you and your family's life. I never really had a family, so when everyone started to treat me as such, I lost control. I only knew love through Your mother, Lily. I thought her love died with her, but I was wrong. Love cannot die. Love lives in you, in your family, and your friends. Though I miss her more each and every passing day, I find her love all around me. I find her love in you, Harry. In your son, who I would move mountains to meet. Every time I look in your eyes, I see her. I can't believe it's taken me this long to apologize to you._

 _Apologies never mean anything, it's our actions that speak far louder. That's why I've taken the liberty to invite myself to Christmas at the Burrow. I shall be there in a day or two, pending on Head-Master McGonagall, but I see no issue there. If you don't wish me to be there, just say and I will leave. I will understand whole-heartedly if no one wants me there. I have acted selfishly; I can only apologize and show you that I have changed. I hope my words reflect what I'm trying to convey to you._

 _It's now getting very late and the candlelight is wasting. I hope to see you all very soon._

 _With all my love,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape."_

Severus folded the parchment up, poured wax over it, and stamped it. Feeling as if a great weight had been lifted, he walked quietly to the owlery to send his letter, but he wasn't done yet. He still needed to apologize to one more person. Knowing it almost dawn, he knocked loudly on a door. He wasn't leaving this spot until Minerva answered. Knocking three more times, he stood apprehensively on the other side of the door.

Minerva answered the door still in her nightly robe, her soft gray hair free from its usual tight bun. "Severus, do you have any clue as to what hour it is? This is highly inappropriate." She yawned delicately.

"I apologize, but it's urgent that we talk."

"Are the students alright?" She asked anxiously.

"Yes, they are alright." He assured her.

"Then what's the meaning of this?" She started to sound irritated.

Severus shifted his weight, "May I come in?" He asked politely.

She eyed him carefully, "Have you been drinking?" She asked.

Normally Severus would feel offended by her question, but seeing as how he was trying to change, he just shook his head, "No, I haven't had a single drop tonight."

She stood aside to let him pass through. "Please, sit. I'll put on the tea."

Severus sat in a chair by the fire. He looked around at her room, pictures of students throughout the years sat on tables and covered empty spaces on the walls. Though there was one picture by her bedside, a man with a small child on his back. They smiled sweetly up at him. He wondered who they were.

Minerva came back with the tea tray and sat it on the table, she carefully poured the tea, and added milk and sugar. Severus took his cup and sipped slowly.

"I'm sorry if I'm being too impersonal, but who are they?" He asked pointing to the picture.

Minerva smiled, "That's my late husband, and daughter."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Severus replied, not wanting to intrude any further, but also very curious. "May I ask how your husband died?"

She smiled weakly. "Elphinstone and Isobel were victims of a dragon pox outbreak. I tried to care for them the best I could, but they succumbed to the sickness. First My dear Elphinstone passed in his sleep, then Isobel a week later."

Severus was shocked and saddened by this. "I had no Idea, Minerva." He clasped his hands over hers. "I'm so very sorry for your losses."

"It's quite alright. My work here at Hogwarts has filled the void in my heart. I love all my students, as you can see." She waved her hand over her room. "Each and every child that comes through my class has a special place in my heart." Minerva wiped away a tear that threatened to spill over.

They sat in silence for a moment or two, "Anyways, what brings you here in the wee morning light?"

"Ah, yes." He cleared his throat. "I've done a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching, I just want to apologize. I want to apologize for the way I've treated not only you but everyone around me. After the battle I just lost control of myself. I let my fear overcome everything. I wasn't aware that I was hurting you."

"Severus, you don't need to apologize to—"

"Yes, I do." He cut her off. "I've been terrible towards you. You have done nothing to deserve it. I hope that you can forgive me."

She smiled brightly. "Severus, I have always forgiven you. I know how rough it was for you after the battle. I had just hoped that someday you would wake up and realize what you had, instead of dwelling on what you lost." She stood up and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you for apologizing."

"There's one more thing, can I ask you for a few days off? There's something I have to do."

"Of course." She beamed brightly.

Severus nodded. "Thank you." He said as he headed back to his own quarters to pack his suitcase.

What felt like an eternity, he stood at the door of the Burrow, his luggage and presents in toe. He could hear music, talking and laughter inside. Through the window he could see Molly and Arthur hugging, Ginny cuddling a baby, Harry and Ron playing Wizards Chess as George conjured mistletoe above them, and Fleur was rubbing Hermione's large baby bump. He felt warmth and love. He took a deep breath and knocked the door. This was it.

The noise from inside stopped, and with it his heart skipped a beat.

"Who could that be?" Molly asked as she opened the door. "Severus." She looked slightly shocked. "You came." She smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. "Get in here, it's cold out there." As she turned around everyone was standing in the kitchen, "Look who it is." She said as she took his bags and sat them down in the corner.

Truthfully, he felt awkward and out of place. His instincts told him to turn tail and run, but he stayed. "Hello."

Harry pushed his way to the front. They stared off. Severus couldn't tell what his intentions were, so he held his hand out for a shake. Harry took it and pulled him into a hug instead. "I'm really glad you came. "There's someone I want you to meet."

The people in the kitchen made a path for Ginny. She was carrying a bundle of blankets that she carefully handed to Harry.

Severus peered at him with curiosity.

Harry peeled back the blankets to uncover a small face. "This is my son." He said handing the baby over to Severus.

Severus gently cradled the baby in his arms. He was only a couple of months old. "What's his name?" he asked.

"Albus Severus Potter." Harry replied, putting emphasis on Severus.

"What? You named your son after me?" He asked, quite bewildered.

"You are the bravest man I've ever known."

He couldn't hold back the tears, Severus teared up. "Harry, this is an honor. Thank you."

Harry smiled. "Thank you for everything you have ever done for me, for all of us."

Severus felt more loved in this moment than he had in his entire life. He chuckled and wiped his face. "I didn't come empty handed." He changed the subject before he lost all control over his water works. "I brought a little something for everyone, if you will Molly, in that bag." Molly handed out the gifts.

"Severus, we got you something too." Molly handed Severus a brightly wrapped package and took Albus from him so he could open it. Carefully opening the gift, he pulled out a green sweater with a giant silver 'S' on the front. "Your very own Weasley sweater."

Severus took off his cloak and pulled the sweater over his head. Everyone laughed, never had he thought he would be standing in the burrow on Christmas wearing a sweater that molly had made from love. In this moment he knew he had changed the course of his future. Never would he go back to his old ways. This was love.


End file.
